


i don't wanna be your friend, i wanna kiss your neck

by lomanegra



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Girl Direction, girl!Liam - Freeform, girl!Zayn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-06-20
Packaged: 2017-12-15 02:57:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/844517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lomanegra/pseuds/lomanegra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Liam would very much like to kiss Zayn, isn't worried, and has nothing resembling a crisis - and Louis suggests chips.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i don't wanna be your friend, i wanna kiss your neck

**Author's Note:**

> uh, whoops? 
> 
> massive thanks to [sophia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sophialefroy) because i wouldn't have gotten anything done without her. and usual disclaimers apply + title is from the 1975's "fallingforyou" which is a dope track, if you've not heard it!
> 
> and warning for a wee bit of recreation drug use (weed) and alcohol content, just in case that will bother anyone.

liam's first thought upon waking is that most people probably don't wake to the noise of their best mates having a semi-intoxicated pillow fight - at eleven in the morning. 

she's not even sure if they're still drunk from last night or if they had jäger bombs for breakfast instead of, say, porridge. groaning at the state of her sore head (and very possibly her life) liam half-rolls, half-falls out of bed and into the front room.

it takes all of liam's effort and concentration to maintain a steely expression and not snort in amusement at the sight in front of her. louis is sitting on harry who is sitting on niall who is half-lying on the couch amidst a flurry of pillows and shrieking laughter. she lets out a slow puff of air and decides her headache can fuck right off.

she dives onto an unsuspecting louis, who topples over, and they all land in a giant heap on the carpet. niall laughs - loudly, and louis aims his eyes at liam in a way that's probably supposed to look indignant, but he's flushed and mostly looks a little constipated. liam kindly doesn't point this out to him and harry pats his shoulder before squirming away.

so yeah - probably not most people's lives, but liam thinks she has it pretty good, despite needing a wee and a couple paracetamol. "good night and an even better morning then, lads?" 

"we're off for the summer! it's a good time to celebrate!" niall says this like he ever needs an excuse to drink, but liam only shrugs, smiling. fair enough.

"s'fine. um, but -" she says, "just clean everything up, yeah?"

they all nod studiously, and liam's sure they'll forget by the time they wake up from their inevitable drunken naps, but well - par for the course. niall doesn't like a mess anyway, so she knows he'll get around to it some time before she gets home from work.

louis says, "another round?" and liam rolls her eyes, but does a shot of sambuca - which is terrible, by the way, and she's going to have to have a major talk with niall about allowing louis to bring such a thing into their flat - with the boys before making an unimpressed face, gulping down a glass of water, and taking a shower.

by the time she's done, the three of them are passed out in the living room; niall's sprawled on the floor, and harry and louis are curled together on one end of the sofa, harry snoring loudly into louis' neck.

and by the time she gets home later, around half seven, niall is eating a bowl of wheetos in their freshly-cleaned living room - and harry and louis are still asleep. it's not surprising, really - niall's considerably more resilient post-drinking than the rest of them. 

"have they been asleep this entire time?" she asks him, keeping her voice low. 

"yup. poor lads - gonna wake up hanging, i'd bet." he doesn't sound all that concerned, probably because it's fairly typical and all. "how was work?"

liam knows the boys are all kind of sympathetic towards her because they really have nothing better to do for the time being and she's still got to work. but it's not so bad, really. and okay, so maybe she doesn't know what it is she wants to be doing with her life but she's got - ambitions! and she'll figure something out; she always does. 

"li," niall says. "you're doin' that thing again - where you don't stop thinkin' about stuff. it's all right, yeah?"

liam sighs. "right, yeah, um - sorry. work was, you know, the same as always. people dropping stuff, new people expecting me to clean it up and customers yelling at me about prices as if i control everything. and honestly, one pound for a bag of carrots is hardly unreasonable!" she realises she's waving her hands around and being louder than necessary when she hears louis grumble, "shut the fuck up, li!"

she rolls her eyes, but apologises to louis and harry, who look not at all pleased to have to exist at the moment. "told you they'd be hungover," niall whispers, as if liam had doubted him or something.

she also refrains from pointing out they'd be feeling a lot better if their breakfast had consisted of more than liquor. really - she's a fantastic mate, she should be winning awards and acclaim. 

harry says, "what time is it?" and "at least no one weed themselves this time," and niall tries to hide his laughter - and fails. their neighbours can probably hear him. then again, they're probably used to it by now, and if it really caused a problem, surely they'd have brought it up before? 

louis, however, doesn't seem to find this very amusing. "it was one time! ow!" he presses the tips of his fingers against his temples. "stop making me yell! i'll withhold blowjobs!"

"for what?" liam interjects. "two hours? sounds like a massive punishment! d'you want me to put the kettle on?" she asks when louis is done glaring at her. he'd seem a lot more intimidating if liam didn't know him so well. as it is, louis is her oldest, and perhaps most eccentric, friend.

"yes, please," harry says. she hears louis sighing dramatically as she heads toward the kitchen.

she'd been planning on coming home, changing, and going for a run, but if liam's learned anything in the past fifteen years, it's that plans are actually kind of pointless in the long run. or at least, depending on a plan is anyway. nine times out of ten, they get fucked up and you're doing something entirely different. which is - fine. liam's learned to live with it, and with a managing position at tesco outside of london while all her friends do Important University Things. it all makes her sound a lot more bitter than she actually is, of course. there are some days when she can't help but feel sort of disappointed, or like something's missing from her life. but for the most part, she's okay. and -

is supposed to be making tea for two of her hungover best mates. right. 

she even remembers paracetamol, and both of them look grateful, murmuring their thanks as liam plops herself in niall's lap.

she expects louis and harry to finish their tea and return to their own flat, leaving liam and niall to a quiet night of watching a football match and eating jaffa cakes - the usual.

which is why, of course, that's not at all what happens and louis, despite his hangover, is announcing to niall that he ought to bring his car round front because they're leaving as soon as he has a piss and finds his spare toothbrush.

harry looks confused, niall laughs but agrees, and liam is just glad she's learnt, more or less, how to go with the flow.

**

louis insists that one can't be english without appreciating a proper chip.

it's not that liam disagrees, really, it's just - "i'm not even english!" niall protests, mostly just for show because he's the last person who's going to say no to food - especially chips.

louis only grins, his blue eyes twinkling with mirth (and liam thinks maybe she's been listening to harry narrate too many sappy novels lately because she's not sure she even knows what mirth actually means) and says, "that's the irish for you! always giving us fine englishmen a hard time!" niall only snorts pokes louis in the chest.

"i like the irish," harry says, in that slow, even voice he says pretty much everything in. louis pats his arm, says, "of course you do, love," because harry is wretchedly more hungover than louis and well - that's the real point of getting chips, liam knows. louis refuses to let anyone else take care of harry when he's hungover, even if he himself is a bit worse for wear, and since he can't cook a proper fry - or anything else save maybe beans on toast - worth shit, he's decided chips are the cure. (apparently liam making them tea doesn't count because liam always makes them tea, or that's what louis had told her the one time she'd brought it up).

no one really disagrees because louis has this need to be right about things and get his way and, well, chips are nice.

so they end up at this place one of louis' mates swears has the best chips this side of town. it's small and seems comfortable enough to liam, though there's a guy making a fuss at the counter about wanting to order cod and a reply about how maybe they'll expand their menu someday but - "this is chip shop," the girl working the till says, and she sounds bored, tired maybe, "not a fish and chip shop. sorry, mate." liam hears her mutter something under her breath about how it's always a grouchy old white man, and stifles a chuckle.

once she's close enough, liam notices that the girl at the till, aside from having probably the best cheekbones and eyelashes on the planet, is also drawing on receipt paper with a chewed up biro. it's not significant - or even that unusual, probably - until liam notices she's redrawing a scene from mad love and freezes. harry walks into her, apologises, complains about his sore head, and apologises again before louis drags him away and up to the counter, ordering for all of them. liam can't even muster up fake annoyance because she's concentrating too hard on not, like, fainting or blushing or bursting into flames - which louis says is totally possible even though liam still doubts it. 

liam waits until louis has ordered and found a table before she says, "i always thought harley quinn was a lot more badass and clever than people like to give her credit for."

the girl - and 'zayn' is written on her name tag, with the z about three times bigger than the rest of the letters - looks up, quirks her lips a little, and liam doesn't think the word breathtaking is even a little dramatic to be honest. "the joker's a bit of a twat, yeah?" she raises one dark, perfectly filled-in eyebrow.

"well," and liam knows her face is probably flushed, but she's sure talking comics with other girls is pretty high up on her fantasy list so - "i mean, he's a villain, so it's not - i mean, yeah. yeah, he is." and liam should have mastered basic social skills with attractive people by now, considering her best mates could all probably be models if they really wanted to - but well, here she is. 

zayn looks like maybe she wants to laugh but takes pity on liam instead - and liam isn't sure how she feels about that. "i think," zayn says, "a lot of people assume she's just lovesick and dependent on the joker, like. and though he's quite thoroughly manipulated her, and by all counts is an abusive wanker, it's at least in part her love for him that allows her to showcase just how clever she is. especially in mad love. and maybe that's ultimately what leads to her plan failing, but she must know, like, on some level that she's being manipulated. otherwise she wouldn't have given a shit about what batman said. so people underestimating her kinna fucks me off." she looks to liam, as if she wants liam's opinion on her thoughts and - well, shit. zayn is one of those smart people who probably goes to uni and likes reading classic literature and knows how to talk to people besides her best mates. and there's nothing wrong with that of course. it's just that liam isn't very good at all that kind of stuff. although maybe the last part applies mostly to pretty girls who like batman comics - at least in liam's case. in her defence, she doesn't meet that many of them working at tesco.

but she says, "yeah, i get you. even batman recognises her genius - pretty badass. that's one of my favourite scenes, by the way." she nods towards zayn's drawing. "when's she's talking about how much effort she had to go through to perfect the joker's plan and how she hates fish. brilliant!"

zayn smiles then, and hands liam a tray with her and the lads' chip orders when the cook places them on the counter. "what's your name then?"

"liam." and she can feel heat rising to her cheeks again. "i'm liam."

zayn's smile widens, her tongue poking between her teeth, and she says, "here, s'yours," and hands liam her comic sketch. the cartooning is a little more animated, a little more exaggerated than in the actual comic, but harley quinn is cheeky as ever and batman is well pressed. liam smiles, big and happy, says, "thanks," and "see you around, yeah?"

"hope so." zayn gives liam another smile and liam means to reply, she does, but - she doesn't know what to say and it doesn't matter anymore because someone else has come up to the counter to order.

she's pretty sure she has hearts in her eyes or something when she makes her way to her friends because louis gives her a once-over and his face brightens, smiling knowingly. "why liam payne!" he says even as he's hand feeding harry chips that are dripping with ketchup and mayonnaise. his voice lowers. "you met your soulmate, then?"

"yes, and we're going to have four children and name them all harry." liam stuffs a chip in her mouth and harry rests his head on her shoulder, earning a disgruntled hmpf from louis.

"di'you ask her for a drink, then?" niall asks. 

"um," liam says. "definitely not, no."

"why?"

liam looks at louis pointedly, who only shrugs in return, seemingly not understanding of the fact that liam can't just go around asking girls she's just met at chip shops for drink. there's probably some law against it, or at least some important social rule, which, admittedly, is the kind of thing that louis tends to avoid. she sighs. "i don't even know her second name. or - anything," she adds. except that zayn likes batman and thinks harley quinn is a badass and wears shirts with things like cartoon cigarette packs on them (which is a little unsettling actually) and has nearly-black hair that looks like it'd be really soft to the touch and - liam frowns. she's not being creepy, right? she just - has noticed. it's a thing she does, well, tries to do with varying levels of success.

harry says, "well, there's always next time!" and he's already trading secretive smiles with louis before liam can work up any sort of protest. 

she glances up, just once, and finds zayn looking at her, lips quirked up at one side. liam shoots her a quick wave and is surprised when zayn returns it, licking her lips before turning back to her customers. 

liam's mouth opens and closes before she smiles to herself, ignoring louis' comment about how her face has turned suspiciously tomato-coloured. 

still, louis, seemingly having at least sort of recovered from his adventures in alcohol for breakfast, links elbows with liam on the walk back to niall's car.

liam has to try very hard the rest of the night to keep herself from thinking about zayn again, and is proud of herself because it works.

mostly.

**

niall drops harry and louis off at their flat and liam just hopes at least one of them has their keys. he says, "so - teleshopping?" and liam slumps forward in her seat, relieved. she knows - she knows her friends worry about her and her happiness, and about whether or not she feels lonely. but she's fine, overall, she's fine. and sometimes she needs to figure out her own feelings - niall knows that.

"i just hope it's something more interesting than electric knives this time," she says, because there's only so much of Really Big Knives hacking into roast that she can take. she'd much rather just eat it once it's fully cooked and all, and she's continually grateful that both niall and harry actually have noteworthy culinary skills. 

"a shape-shifting waffle-maker," she hears niall say.

and liam laughs, and it doesn't take niall long to join her. and it probably comes off as weird - two people sat in the car park laughing hysterically, but well - liam doesn't really care.

it's a nice feeling. 

* * *

it doesn't take much for all four of them to agree getting chips once or twice (or occasionally more often) a week while they're off for the summer is a good idea. louis suggests it, harry immediately backs him, niall shrugs and says, "hell yeah, why not?" and liam - sighs to herself, but she's soon grinning and licking at louis' fingers when he shoves his hand over her mouth.

when they show up monday afternoon, after liam's seven to three shift, liam is a little cranky and more than a little tired but it's - fine. and if the lads notice her noticing that zayn is indeed working again today, they for once don't comment. she decides she'll order a cheesy chip and zayn, when she looks up, says brightly, "hi, liam!"

"hiya zayn," she says and no, her face isn't red, thanks very much. it's not that she's totally surprised that zayn remembers her name, because she herself remembers the names of loads of people, it's more - zayn seems happy to see her. or at least she doesn't seem bored anymore. and that's something. there's no one else in the shop at the moment, so she doesn't feel bad asking zayn how she's been while harry and louis argue about whether gravy chips or garlic chips are better.

"all right," zayn replies. "same shit different day an' all 'at, like. an' you? vas happenin'? you up to much?"

liam shakes her head no, says, "just you know -" and sort of glances in the direction of niall, harry and louis. 

"your mates, yeah?"

"yeah," liam says. "they're very, um, loud - i know."

zayn only shrugs and liam doesn't watch as she twists her fingers in her hair, shorter on one side than on the other. 

liam doesn't really know what she's supposed to do or say, so she tells zayn she'll introduce her friends and can't tell if zayn has been waiting for her to offer or is just humouring her. "harry is the one with the curls who speaks at like one-thirty thousandth of a kilometer per hour, niall is the giggling irish one with the bleached hair, and the short one with the nice bum is louis."

liam is met with the rising of a dark eyebrow. "louis," she repeats. "are you and he...?"

liam blanches and says, probably with much more vehemence than necessary, "no!" her friends turn to look at her from their table but she waves them off, says again, "ah, no," but much more quietly.

zayn's tongue clucks. "hm. well, he does have a nice bum, anyway." and liam knows it could just be a throwaway comment, but she still feels a little disappointed. zayn looks like she wants to say something else, but only shakes her head once and points at liam's chips, which -oh - have been sitting on the counter for a couple minutes. 

zayn's face perks up and liam looks behind her to see what zayn's looking at, and it's a guy with lots of freckles and even more tattoos. liam's not going to ask - she's not, because if zayn has a boyfriend or a whatever else, it's none of her business, nope. she'll just eat loads of ice cream tonight and sleep in niall's bed - which isn't melodramatic at all, actually, not that anyone asked thank you very much.

but then zayn says, "finally!" and "shift's over for the day - that's my replacement. he's a bit odd, but all right overall, yeah?" as if liam would know. but she manages to smile and show her agreement as zayn pulls her uniform apron over her head. "sorry," she says and she almost sounds sheepish. "just - end of a shift, time to relax and all. mind if i sit with you?"

"oh." liam startles. "i - of course. yeah, sit with us, it's -" she smiles in a way she hopes isn't alarming and zayn says, "cool," before coming around the counter and stuffing her apron into a black bag.

liam's not really sure what's she's been doing in the last few minutes to miss all this - the lads getting their chips and sitting down and making herself look daft in front of zayn and - she motions for zayn to sit down. zayn promptly introduces herself before sitting next to liam, and liam can feel louis smirking at her - with his eyes! 

harry offers zayn some chips and she lifts a shoulder in a very  _well i work here but free food is free food_  sort of way, and pops one into her mouth. "you lot seem better off this time than ya were last week," she says when she's finished chewing. 

liam starts at how easily zayn fits into their dynamic. it's not as if they don't have other friends, or friends that aren't mutual, but no one's ever seemed to just get it, get them, and here zayn is flicking niall on the forehead and biting at her lip to keep from laughing during the conversation. liam's not really paying as much attention as she should be, too focussed on the curve of zayn's shoulder and the way she keeps placing her hand on the plane of her stomach and how she's definitely co-opted liam's diet coke, but it's - nice. maybe nicer than it should be, even. 

she clues back into the conversation when she hears zayn ask how they can all possibly share a flat and louis' subsequent laughter. "harry and i live together," he explains. "niall and liam have their own flat."

"ah," is zayn's only comment.

and liam doesn't know why, but it feels a bit odd, a bit off, so she says, "it's nice. just that niall tends to eat a lot of hobnobs."

louis snorts into his hand, not at all as subtly as he thinks. "and you...hate hobnobs?" zayn guesses, her brows drawing together.

"i hate crumbs," liam answers emphatically.

and liam's not expecting zayn to burst out into laughter, but that's what she does - loud, her eyes squinting shut and her nose scrunching up, and liam is getting that weird feeling of butterflies she's not felt in months, her face and ears heating up.

"i'm sorry," zayn says eventually, when she's regained her breath. "sorry, it's just, like - sorry. i just wasn't expecting that." she looks at niall. "how many times a week d'you have that conversation?"

niall laughs around a mouthful of chips. "nearly every day, mate. i clean up what i can!"

liam mutters under her breath about niall eating hobnobs in her bed and it sends zayn into another round of hysterical laughter, and liam would be really embarrassed except that it's a such a lovely thing to listen to.

liam's eaten maybe five of her chips, but they're all gone anyway (probably thanks to niall) and everyone is heading to the bin - save zayn, who is looking at liam and who liam doesn't think she'd mind kissing at all. "all right, yeah?" zayn asks.

"yeah, yeah. just -" she grins, shrugs, and asks zayn if she's doing anything exciting for the evening.

"well, like, if you count sleeping as exciting, which," she says after a pause, "i kinna do."

liam scratches at the back of her neck self-consciously. and it's part of that ever-raging battle of _do i ask nice cute girl for a drink and possibly weird her out or do i go home and not think about how much i regret not asking by watching 2 fast 2 furious and eating tiny cakes._  well, she could ask zayn to come out with her and the lads to make it seem less date-like, but if zayn is looking forward to sleeping - and to be honest, liam could use a nap herself, then she'll just wait.

she tells zayn to take care and to have a good night, and zayn says  _yeah, you too!_  and there's sort of weird, sort of nice bout of shy smiles from both of them and liam can hear louis cackling a couple metres behind them.

she punches louis in the arm when they get out the door. "knob."

"hey," louis says, rubbing his arm. "you're damaging my very impressive biceps!"

rolling her eyes, liam apologises rather half-heartedly and louis wraps an arm around her waist, presses a kiss to her temple, and says quietly, "you like her, yeah?"

liam shrugs, watches her feet as they walk. "i mean, i like her so far? it's just that -" she stops, shrugs again, and exhales slowly. 

"want me to send niall to mine and come over?"

she means to say no, she does, because she's fine - just tired and a little stressed from all her new responsibilities at her job, but it's not like she's fourteen anymore where everything seems like the end of the world. but it comes out as, "if you wouldn't mind."

and louis gives her that look, the one that says  _of course i don't mind, you numpty, you're me best mate._ and liam knows - she knows harry and niall never take it personally because they're her best mates as well, but she's been friends with louis since primary school. and it was always liam and louis for years and years until they met harry and niall in college. and from then on it was harry and louis and niall and liam, and they all moved together to london for university (or to work, in liam's case) - but louis is still  _louis_. he's still the one who kissed her when she was fourteen so she could practice for her first date, and who told the other kids at the park to piss off and  _of course girls can play football_  when they were eight, and the one who helped her get herself back together when her first really serious relationship came to an end, and who makes her laugh when it feels like laughing is impossible. and sometimes liam just needs him, and her life won't even have to be particularly terrible, but he gets it.

and despite what a pain in the arse louis tends to be, liam is grateful for him.

**

liam's not surprised that louis' suggestion is to cuddle on the sofa and smoke a spliff or three. most of the time liam declines, but - she shrugs and takes louis' lighter.  

"we could watch adventure time," louis says but liam doesn't really want the background noise. she's splayed out across the couch, half-lying on louis, her head tucked under his chin. "if you wanna talk, li, you know i'm gonna listen."

"there's nothing -" she stops, restarts, "it's not like my life's total shit at the moment or anything. i just feel - off. weird, like. and sometimes i just wish it was easy to ask someone out for coffee without having to worry about making anyone feel like i'm incapable of being around them without wanting to shag them. and it's like - i dunno. all these middle aged men coming into the shop and its like you can feel the smugness rolling off them. they've got a nice first degree and i'm just the girl wearing a uniform they wanna leer at - it's just." she sighs, takes a long drag from the joint before passing it back to louis. "some days it just seems like a lot more'an it really is, i reckon."

louis pets her hair and she doesn't even say anything to him about keeping his smelly feet off the table because they drink tea off of that! louis says honestly, "most of the time i think you've got your life more together than the rest of us."

liam doesn't know if that's true, but she takes the compliment as gracefully as she can (which is probably not very graceful, actually). louis is the undisputed and unconditional leader of their little group - he likes the attention. but liam is - "you have this way," louis says, "of wanting to make sure everything's going all right, and doing what needs to be done when the rest of us forget or don't know how to. and it's shit sometimes, i think, for you, ah, because you want everything to be fine. and sometimes - it's not."

she can't help smiling and watches as louis blows out a puff of smoke. "thanks," she says. "i - thanks."

louis doesn't say anything else, but he's holding onto her, keeping her grounded, and blinking sleepily. and liam feels light, floaty - relaxed. her muscles are melting into her bones and - well, maybe not that. that's probably painful. but her mouth won't stay closed all the way and the pattern on the ceiling seems a lot more intricate than it ever has before. louis' hand is on her waist and liam feels vaguely hungry but mostly tired and it can't be that late at all, but - oh well. she can afford to fall asleep on the sofa every once in a while. 

in the morning, she manages (barely) to drink her tea without sugar just for louis - "as a tribute to your weed and your spectacular upholding of Best Mate Duties," she says, mock-saluting. 

"have you quite finished?" louis asks, pretending to be more put out than he actually is. liam only grins and raises her tea cup, says, "cheers!" and gives louis a quick kiss on the mouth.

"i'm gonna run. coming with?" 

liam can almost hear louis' inward snort. "i'd rather be pissed on by a goat just after i've had a shower," he says.

that, liam is pretty sure, is not true. and is also gross. she tosses the kitchen roll at louis' face. "you're coming with me for a run on my birthday."

"you want your birthday gift to be me suffering and loathing everything about myself as well as the outside world?"

"yes." and liam's rewarded with louis nearly doubled over in laughter when niall walks in.

he heaves a sigh like he knows he's "missed all the craic!!" before liam is jumping on his back and utilising the services of packmule-niall to drop her off at her bedroom. "you lot," he grumbles.

"would be lost without you, niallar," liam finishes.

he laughs, but liam's quite certain they both know it's true enough.

* * *

so it sort of actually becomes a thing - going to zayn's chip shop. they go again on thursday and zayn is all asking liam to join her on her smoke breaks. and liam doesn't smoke, but she does like listening to zayn and talking to zayn and watching as zayn's eyes get all big and soft and rather doe-like when she's talking about how she kind of worships natasha romanoff. and zayn "forgets" to take liam's money when she tries to pay for her chips and harry is looking at her smugly. but liam ignores him, ignores basically everything but how warm she feels right now and the distant scatters of conversations being had across the shop.

and they keep going a couple times a week but during what should have been the fifth week, they're all at their respective homes visiting their families. and liam's not really upset about it, because her mum is doting and proud as ever, asking liam if she wants to get her hair trimmed, and how working is going, and if she's finally gotten a dog. and her da is clapping her on the shoulder and trying to teach her about gardening just like he always is and liam's getting really lost like she always does. but she smiles and clasps her hands together - and her da probably knows she's still not really getting it, but she likes humouring him and hey, maybe someday it really will sink in.

liam's sisters are visiting as well and her mum is nearly beside herself with happiness at having the whole family together again and liam thinks her mum probably cries at some point, but it's - nice. it really is, and she even almost tells her family at dinner about zayn, about meeting someone she fancies enough to maybe at some point ask out, about how there's a girl with a sharp jawline and sharp cheekbones and sharp wit that liam can see herself being happy with if given the chance.

but she doesn't tell them and she doesn't know what it is that stops her, so instead she tells them about how harry and louis are going on holiday together at the end of the summer -  _their first time out of the country and they're going together!_  she tells them. her mum looks pleased, and her dad looks unsurprised, and her sisters are laughing at something or other and it's comforting. it'd been hell getting a week off of work, and she'd had to work all these extra hours to make up for it, but sitting here - it's worth it.

and later when harry calls her and asks how she's doing and is she glad to be home, she says, "i'm - good. um. and yeah, yes, it's been a good visit so far. how 'bout you?"

"i've been having bonding sessions with my cat," harry laughs. "it's like we have separation anxiety."

"um," she says. "are you sure by your cat you don't mean louis?"

she can tell by the intake of his breath that harry is doing that thing where he pretends to be really upset and lies on the floor. "we're not actually entirely co-dependent," he tells her.

"yeah, yeah." liam is sitting in her childhood room in her childhood bed and there's still a batman bedspread and there's still a terrifying doll sat on top of her wardrobe facing the wall - a gift from one of her aunts one year at christmas. probably one of the worst gifts she's ever gotten, but she's never been able to bring herself to bin it.

"anyway," harry is saying. "it's not like you of all people could judge me for spending loads of time with louis. should have seen you two when we met you."

"yeah, yeah," she says again. because she knows - she does. but back in school louis had been the only friend liam managed to keep consistently for years and years. and when they started at college, liam had been relieved she only needed to worry about a-levels and what to wear and whether she should come out once and for all and - well, okay, still basically everything but having someone with her that she knew and was comfortable around. 

she talks to harry for a bit longer, texts niall and louis to check in, and when she falls asleep she has a dream about batman - only batman is zayn and liam is harley quinn (and louis makes an appearance as riddler) and liam doesn't think this is how the canon goes  _at all._

she can hardly complain, though.

**

and of course the first thing she has to do when she returns to london is work. 

she's walking around trying to look generally In Charge of things when she hears a soft,  "liam?"

she turns and there's zayn, with a new piercing in her nose and holding a litre carton of ice cream, and liam nearly trips over her feet. "fuck's sake," she mutters to herself. she's not clumsy (that's sort of harry's department) but she's startled and - oh, "hey, zayn," she says.

there's this little smirk on zayn's face that liam should probably be indignant about but - "find everything okay?" she says - which, aye, stupid but look, she's not really a smooth talker, a charmer - that's also more harry's department when he wants it to be.

zayn laughs - and it's still one of liam's favourite things to listen to, but not in a stalkery, weird way. just - and says, "yeah, mate." she holds up her tub of ice cream. "but thanks." then her face becomes a little guarded and liam looks at her curiously. "i didn't see you, um - any of you - at the shop last week," zayn says, quiet and almost as if she's mentally cursing herself for saying it.

"oh," liam says. "we were all home visiting our families, like. i nearly forgot about it until i woke up to come to work and niall asked me what the hell i was doing!" she smiles, offers a sort of shrugging apology. "sorry i didn't -"

zayn sucks in a breath, insists "don't - i mean, don't be sorry. it's  _fine_  obviously, you don't - i just got used to seeing you lot, is all." liam's pretty sure that's really not all, because this is the first time she's seen zayn visibly flustered and to the point where it kind of rivals the way liam tends to feel.

but she says, "i was just about to take a break, get a sandwich - if, um, if you wanna join me."

she hears zayn murmur something about  _role reversal_  and then, "yeah all right. i'll just pay for this first, yeah?"

"um," liam says. and she should say  _yes of course_  because this is her  _job_  and her only job and her only anything, really. but she's young and stupid and _easily swayed by emotions_ (her sister's words) so she says, "yeah, no, you're all right." she waves a hand at zayn's slightly disbelieving look. "s'fine, yeah?" it's not like zayn has never done the same for liam.

eventually zayn shrugs, and she agrees to eat half of liam's egg mayo, and laughs into her hand when liam tells her stories about louis and how his tendency to want to appear quirky tends to get him a position of target for people throwing random vegetables.

zayn says it's her final year of university - and she's studying english - as well and that she doesn't know what she intends to do afterwards. "i think i'd like to teach," she says. "but - competitive market an' all 'at. wanted to be an artist when i was younger," she tells liam.

liam tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "are you not an artist now?" she asks.

shrugging, zayn tosses her crusts in the bin and says, "i guess? but not like - officially, or whatever. i just kinna draw on my own time - or work time," she adds, her lips curled up on one side.

as per usual, liam feels the flush starting at the tips of her ears and her neck and her cheeks and - "i always," she says, "- i wanted to do firefighting. maybe - maybe emergency medicine. but -" she shrugs, tries to laugh it off, but is relieved when zayn doesn't laugh with her. "i work at tesco's, like."

"so?"

"well -" she frowns. "i dunno. it's still what i wanna do, and it's not like i've given up on the idea or anything. i guess i just - wanna, like, have some kind of proper financial situation first, figure things out."

zayn's chewing on her lip and liam would say she's not watching but that would be a lie. "sounds reasonable," zayn decides. she shifts - minutely- closer to liam and she smells faintly of weed and coconut body cream. and if this were a film, it'd be the perfect opportunity for liam to lean in for a kiss. but - she's decidedly not in a film and it's not that she doesn't trust zayn to not make things weird if she doesn't fancy liam in the same way but - well. it's complicated, and it's difficult for her, but she can feel her lips parting just a little and zayn is almost certainly looking at her mouth and -

"your ice cream's gonna melt," liam blurts because she's a complete  _twat_. she knows if she tells her boys about this louis will give her the blankest, most  _i cannot actually believe you exist as a person liam payne_  glare - and she'd deserve it!

zayn blinks, moves away and says, "um." and liam is in no place to judge her for her ineloquence. but then she's grinning again, though it doesn't seem to entirely reach her eyes, and saying, "well, sort of the point anyhow. ice cream's a lot nicer when it's all melty and soft."

"yeah," liam agrees numbly - dumbly, too, she has to admit. zayn snorts and liam's worried it might be a bit dismissive -

"should get back to work, mate," zayn says. "i'll see you around, yeah?"

liam can't help smiling when she says, "hope so." and that shiny, happy, relatively anime thing zayn's eyes do comes back.

taking a deep breath, liam walks out and into the smirking faces of two of her co-workers - a couple of tossers anyway, in liam's unbiased and professional opinion.

she ignores them and focusses on the task at hand, which happens to be focussing on something other than the brief moment of possible unresolved sexual tension she'd shared with zayn and how she probably cocked it all up. 

she sighs to herself and knows the rest of the day is going to seem endless.

**

after the seventh week and seventeenth visit to the chip shop, liam thinks of zayn as a friend, at the very least. she gets on well with all four of them, still often joins them on her break and steals chips from liam and louis. liam finds she doesn't mind, but louis likes to accuse zayn of thievery and general nuisance, to which zayn will only shrug in response.

liam spends a lot of time talking comics with zayn, and even more time talking about other things. liam discovers they both rather worship jay-z and zayn gives her a mixtape of a "bunch of rare rap and hip-hop tracks, like. sometimes you can't beat a hard copy cd, yeah?"

liam's throat feels thick, tacky, and she nods because she doesn't even have zayn's mobile number and she's getting mixtapes full of songs zayn loves. her sister always says it's the music people love that tells you the most about them, and liam doesn't know if that's true but she feels honoured, like she could be someone important to zayn in the future. liam licks her lips, thanks zayn profusely, and zayn only laughs, says, "you're all right!" 

"um." and liam's fiddling with the hem of her skirt, and her face feels warm and she's not sure she can speak without stuttering and getting all nervous, but she tries anyway. "i can - if you want to give me your number - i can let you know my thoughts as i listen to them?" and she doesn't know why she keeps making everything sound like a question, especially when she can't seem to be able to ask zayn to get coffee some time - and that's really what she wants to be asking. she doesn't even know if zayn likes girls, but she keeps telling herself she could at least ask. and obviously zayn can't hate her if she's making liam mixtapes and all - but liam always backs out.

she must get lost in her head for a moment because zayn is looking at liam confusedly, her hand stretched out for liam's mobile. "oh, right. sorry, i - here." zayn types her number in slowly and liam tries not to watch, but zayn's fingers are long and her fingernails are painted a glittery black, save for a couple that are bright blue. she looks at her own fingernails, painted a simpler light pink, and wonders what their hands would look like intertwined. not that - not that it takes up a huge amount of liam's time and thoughts, her and zayn, it's just - she doesn't know entirely what to make of zayn, or what to make of her feelings for zayn, with her dark, always immaculately styled hair and her sort of bizarre t-shirts and her ability to take naps anywhere so long as she has five minutes to spare and -

and liam needs to stop letting her thoughts get away from her. "thanks," she says.

and zayn says, "i'll text you, yeah?"

liam nods, barely refrains from saying please, and thinks maybe her willpower is growing stronger - or she's still kind of cowardly and not doing anything about her whole 'wow, i really fancy zayn' situation. but - it's fine, like. she'll get there.

someday.

maybe. 

there hasn't really been much development in the way of Possible Sexual Tension and liam doesn't know if it's because she scared zayn off on that front or if she'd just imagined it in the first place. and it's a little strange, maybe, that they haven't hung out together outside of work situations, but considering liam only just asked for zayn's number, she reckons she can't be all that surprised.

liking people is  _hard._  

and probably a waste of time.

if she's thinking thoughts this bitter, she's been listening to too many of the shitty self-help audio books one of louis' lecturers bought for him.

liam needs better hobbies.

** 

and later, when she's sat in front of the television with niall watching  _midnight in paris_ , she gets a text from zayn: _hey liam. its zayn. hope you like ur cd! lemme know yeah? x_

she must either be smiling for quite longer than necessary or a bit mad like - or perhaps both - because niall asks, "good news, babe?"

"um, i - hope so? i don't know." he only smiles and liam replies to zayn's text saying she's only been able to listen to the first four tracks so far, but they're all  _fantasssssstttticcccc_  and she'll probably be better able to sort her feelings upon another listen (or twelve).

ten minutes later, zayn texts back  _cool :)_  and liam nearly asks her if she wants to get dinner this weekend some time. the only reason she doesn't is because - well, she's a shit liar and shit at making up excuses, so instead of dwelling on her cowardice, she asks niall if he wants a cuppa before she gets up to put the kettle on.

liam likes to think she'd be a lot braver about asking people out if she were straight - or louis (he and harry just kind of fell into each other and never fell out). 

she's not in love with zayn - and says as much to louis when he calls to check up on her. "i don't even know her well enough to be in love with her, you dick. i just -"

she doesn't finish because she doesn't know how. and louis, now considerably more serious, says, "can i do anything, love?"

and liam's been in love before - the ache in her chest from things not working out with danielle will never fully go away, she thinks. it's just since then, all of liam's flings have been just that - flings, casual, people to take up space in her life. this is different - or, well, liam wants it to be different. "i don't think so," she tells louis. "but thanks. i just - always do this, you know? like - get all these ideas in my head, or fall too fast or whatever it is. it's been a couple months, like. and the only time we've hung around alone is when she saw me at work one time.  i'm not really sure what i'm doing anymore."

and it would be nice if liam had some (temporary) mind-reading superpower, if she could know what zayn's thinking. because sometimes - sometimes it seems like zayn is watching the way liam's lips part around her straw, and like zayn's going to do more than just touch her wrist or settle a hand at the small of liam's back. and then other times, it's like zayn is this weird pod alien version of herself, and she'll say something about liam and about wanting to see her, and then backtrack or correct herself. and sometimes liam just - wants to know if she's more than just a friend to zayn without asking, okay.

she hears harry yell, "you're making loads of people happy by just being liam!" from somewhere near louis and thinks she probably has the greatest friends anyone could ask for.

which helps - it does. but she's gotta woman up about it, she knows.

she mulls it over, texting zayn a  _hope u haveeee a gooooddd nighttttttt!!!! :)_   while she's lying in bed, listening to the tape zayn made her.

she gets a reply from zayn saying  _aha thanks li! you too!!! x_  and falls asleep soon after, das racist playing quietly in the background.

* * *

 "i'm sorry," louis declares, "but i'm swearing off chips for the next three years."

harry hums an agreement and even niall says, "yeah maybe."

liam opens her mouth, closes it, sucks in a breath and - lets it out, doesn't say anything. she frowns and louis claps her on the shoulder. "it seemed like a good idea at the time." he tilts liam's face toward him, says, "you have her number. just ask her if she wants to knock around or summat. i mean, you don't need us around to babysit or distract you, yeah?"

and - he's right - he is, liam knows. and she's probably had her fill of chips herself, honestly and it's not like she needs louis and the lads around to mediate her time with zayn or whatever. it's just - it was a lot easier to tell herself to have a serious talk with zayn than it's actually been trying to do so. she shakes her head, herself and her resolve, and says, "i think i ate more chips in the last couple months than i have in the rest of my life before that combined."

"atta girl!" louis says, and his american accent is rubbish, but no one points it out to him. 

because there's just two weeks left until everyone else's classes start and in two days, harry and louis will be on their way to spain with a mini spanish dictionary hand-crafted and hand-written by niall. and liam's not nervous or anything because she's not even doing uni, but she doesn't know how to go about asking zayn what will change when she starts her final year, and if those changes are gonna make a huge difference. 

**

she doesn't text zayn, but she walks to the shop herself. and when zayn sees liam, she asks, "just you today?"

"yes," liam says. "are you disappointed?"

zayn hesitates for the briefest moment, but her eyes are bright when she says, "not at all!" and liam tries not to feel a little in awe of the shadows of zayn's eyelashes on her cheekbones. 

liam smiles, relieved, and twists her fingers into the material of her skirt. "good. i - was wondering, um, where you're at tonight? only - if you're not busy or anything, you can come to mine. it's not - we're not going out or anything because we're taking harry and louis to the airport tomorrow morning, but -" she shrugs helplessly, and the lady behind her in the queue is coughing pointedly and muttering under her breath and liam is sure she sounds american.

zayn lifts a finger and tells liam to hang on a moment and calls for someone somewhere behind her.

"whatcha need, zed?" comes the response.

and a tall girl with dark skin and darker hair comes out, wiping her hands on a tea towel. zayn says, "cover me for a few?"

"yeah, all right."

zayn does this quite terrible fist bump with her and says, "you're a saint!" before she's motioning for liam to follow her outside and into the rain. "you want me to come to yours?"

"well, if you want -"

"i think i will," zayn says. "i'm off in an hour, and then i've got a couple things i gotta take care of, but - text me your address, yeah?"

liam says she will - and does, an hour or so later after she's told zayn she'll see her in a bit and fretted about the state of her flat. which is pointless, considering it's always more than clean enough for visitors. 

she's not certain where niall is but she's not going to call him because - it's not like she's having a crisis or anything. so she doesn't bother getting dressed up, only touches up her make-up and lies on sofa wondering when she forgot how to Life.

**

zayn texts that she's on her way and maybe ten minutes later she's asking to be buzzed in and liam is trying to cough up the butterflies that have so rudely decided to reside in the pit of her stomach.

zayn is smiling and carrying a litre of vodka when she walks in and liam's eyes widen - probably hilariously.

and zayn must notice because she huffs out a short laugh and says, "ah no - we don't have to drink it tonight, if you don't want to. just thought i'd bring a gift."

liam splutters out a, "um - that's nice. i mean, we can - um, have some? only not a lot because i have to get up early...um..."

zayn shrugs. "like i said - just seemed right to bring a gift."

"yes, well." liam squares her shoulders, takes the deep relaxing breaths harry's always telling her about. "i appreciate it. thanks. thank you. um - if you wanna come in properly, like?"

she motions for zayn to come in, to make herself comfortable, to make herself at home, etc etc. nodding, zayn curls herself into one corner of the sofa, her chin resting on her knees.

liam sits next to her, close enough that it's not awkward, but not close enough that it should make zayn uncomfortable or anything. she says, "do you wanna watch a film? or something? i, um, i don't know where niall is? so if -"

"li," zayn interrupts. "liam, babe. relax, yeah? we don't need a caretaker or summat, do we? s'all fine." and she sounds disconcertingly just like louis, which - no.

liam nods because yep, yes, all is just fine and - rather lovely, honestly. it's nice and zayn hasn't even been here that long. she turns on the tv, laughs when zayn asks, "you watch a lot of the food network too?" and  moves her hand like she's going to take hold of liam's and liam - wants that, she does - but then zayn is settling her hand on the hem at the bottom of her own trousers.

and liam decides they probably need alcohol. she asks zayn, "shots?" and holds up the bottle. "or mixed? - we've got loads of blackcurrant."

zayn is looking at her blankly so liam explains that when louis is drunk he tends to do things like buy thirty litres of squash at a time. "it's why he's not allowed to handle the finances," she finishes.

and zayn is doing what liam had hoped she would - closing her eyes slowly with her tongue between her teeth as she laughs and liam doesn't remember the last time she was this invested in the specifics of someone else's smile. "niall's the finance-y person," she says as she returns with their drinks. and because she's complete rubbish she starts babbling about _finances_ even though zayn probably _doesn't care_  because _who cares_  about financing and - "because louis - well, obviously. and harry is always too busy telling terrible cheesy jokes and apologising to everyone for things he didn't do and anyway spends his whole pay cheque  on a pair of trousers." at least she's not chattering on about liking green beans this time, she thinks.

"what about you?" 

"what about -? oh! ha!" liam frowns into her drink. "i'm just - rubbish at maths."

zayn just lifts a shoulder and it's only a while (and two drinks) later that she says, "can i ask you somethin'?"

and liam feels just tipsy enough to know she'll answer honestly, so she says, "of course."

zayn looks like she's taking a deep breath and liam watches the movement of her throat, of her chest, and of her hands where they're drumming on her thighs. "is -" but then she stops, clears her throat, and whatever she was going to say gets lost in the abyss of thoughts that liam wishes she could have read. instead zayn says, "would it be too much bother to eat?"

and liam's not expecting it - though she probably should be; it's certainly dinner time. "i'll just make something." she can tell zayn's about to protest - but simply waves her hands and says, "honestly. just hang here, yeah? i won't be long."

in her head, this is potentially a really good way for liam to say,  _hello zayn i fancy you quite a lot. and i'll just show you by cooking for you._ that's romantic, right? only liam's not all that good at cooking. still, she thinks, as she takes a pan from the cupboard, she should be able to manage an omelette, right? she's watched niall do it loads of times. 

and maybe it's not spaghetti bolognese in candlelight or whatever, but zayn can hardly expect anything that complex and foreplanned from her. she can't even gracefully accept a bottle of vodka from a girl she fancies, for fuck's sake!

she learns quickly that niall makes omelettes look a lot easier than they are because while the whole frying the eggs part is simple enough, knowing the right amount of stuff to put in apparently takes more skill than liam actually has. and of course - this is when niall comes in, laughing as usual, and sets his coat on the table. "ehm," he says. "liam...what?"

liam shushes him and she's sure niall didn't miss zayn sat on their sofa, so she says, "i'm managing!" and she's - well, not. she can't get the sides of the omelet to flip correctly because there's too much cheese and tomato inside and niall is laughing and liam is watching cheese leak out into the pan - pathetically.

"aw, babe," niall says. "d'you want - help?"

liam shakes her head. "no! i just - miscalculated. i'm sure it'll still taste fine...right?"

niall looks at her, into the pan, and back at her and says, "probably. i'll get outta your hair though, yeah? just lemme grab a couple things and i'll fuck off to harry and louis' for a few hours?"

and liam says, eloquently, "um," and "we're not -" but niall just headbutts her in the shoulder and says, "be careful! and safe! and don't use so much cheese next time!" and he's back out the door, liam staring after him, lips pursed.

a few minutes later, she's walking back towards the sofa, carrying two plates of really sad-looking omelettes. "ah," she says sheepishly, watching zayn's face as she tries not to laugh. "i thought - it seemed like a good idea to do something more, whatsit? substantial than cheese toasties. and we have this egg pan, like - a pan that's never had anything in it but eggs, so i thought -" she trails off, bites her lip, curls her legs underneath her when she sits down.

but zayn's not laughing anymore. she seems surprised - pleased surprised, liam notes with relief. "i -" zayn starts, and she seems out of her depth, "that's - it's a really nice thought, liam. i'm -" she does laugh a little then. "thanks," she says finally, lifting her fork up. "shall we?"

and liam feels kind of proud of herself because even though she gets maybe half a star for presentation, everything tastes fine - more than fine, and it tastes even better by the time liam is refilling their drinks to keep the buzz up. and she's not drunk, and neither is zayn but - she's loose, relaxed, and has half-fallen into zayn's shoulder with her mouth at the curve of zayn's neck. and she tries not to part her lips, she does - but zayn doesn't say anything, doesn't push her off, is just resting her head on top of liam's.

liam's feeling sleepy, soft and warm, and she can hear harry in her head talking about cats which - kind of ruins the mood, actually, what the fuck. she sits up, abruptly, and zayn's eyes do that cloudy guarded thing and - that's not at all what liam wants, so she presses a hand to the side of zayn's face before resting it on zayn's knee. looking placated, zayn opens her mouth, but then doesn't say anything, waits for liam to talk.

so she does - liam talks. 

“it’s just -” liam says. “i think about you - a lot, like. not just about, like, biting your neck and having my head between your thighs and - _oh god_  - just,  _shit_." liam licks her lips and zayn is sizing her up - or something, and she looks a little amused but not grossed out or offended or anything, so liam's not counting it as a total loss yet. she goes on, "but me making you tea and you maybe coming to one of my footy matches and drinking shit beer even though i know you're not a huge fan of sport, and just like this watching master chef together, and getting wasted at louis' parties, and holding your hand at the park, and i dunno, maybe post-snogging talking about comics and how class the characters are and - and i don't even know if you  _like_  girls or if you like  _me_. but if you do, or if you think you might or you could just - do you want to go out some time, like, properly?"

zayn opens her mouth, closes it again, looks a little lost. and liam wishes she could just - just ask someone out on a date without the preamble that probably makes her seem like a creep, whoops. but then zayn says, "i do, i - i want."

and liam maybe forgets what she even asked at first because zayn's hand is around her wrist, gentle and comforting. "i was thinking we could get lunch? and there's this place, this paintball place, that louis' always telling me about - and thought, um, well, it sounded fun?"

a soft laugh sounds from zayn and liam thinks her toes might curl a little, and zayn is so beautiful - and liam doesn't have time to panic or cry in excitement or anything because zayn is pressing a hesitant kiss to the corner of her mouth and then another, firmer one to her lips. zayn sucks liam's lower lip into her mouth briefly, bites at it softly, before she's pulling back and saying, "sounds perfect, actually."

"oh," liam says, more than a little dazed. "that's - well, that's...i've never actually done paintball before? um, but i'd like to learn. well, i'd like you to teach me." because she'd assumed zayn is into that sort of thing from a couple off-hand comments she'd made, and liam can tell she'd been right by the way zayn is looking at her right now.

"only if we can also do all that other stuff you were talking about before - the football and the watching telly and the - all of it." there's this smirk on zayn's face, but it turns into a real smile - that one liam loves, where her nose scrunches up and her eyes get all huge and shiny - so quickly that liam thinks she might die on the spot. and she knows she's blushing because she knows what it is she said first, about the sex stuff and all, but zayn doesn't laugh or anything, just brushes a thumb across liam's cheekbone.

"i could get behind that," liam says. "obviously."

zayn laughs again, but then she says, "honestly, i woulda asked you for a drink ages ago if i knew that -" she pauses. "i guess i thought you'd been having a bit of gay panic or summat - after that thing at tesco's where we - i mean." she shrugs, but she's palming liam's thigh and her hands are warm against liam's bare skin -

and liam says, "nooooooooooooo," and, "i still have a sign in my room louis made for me. it says, 'liam payne: resident lesbian.' i mean, he was drunk but - it was a lot easier coming out to my parents that way," she says honestly. "i just - get nervous, i guess. because i know a lot of girls, they aren't - they aren't comfortable with it, and i get it. and i don't want to weird people out or scare them off or whatever, but i've been agonising over whether or not i should just at least try to ask you for weeks now."

"i'm glad you did," zayn tells her, and she realises zayn has pulled liam into her lap, and zayn is saying, "i probably would've asked you eventually, but like, i've only, i mean, i've only been with one other girl before, so-"

"is that -" liam blinks. "um, okay?"

and zayn is explaining that she's just mentioning it  and just in case it's important. and it's really - not? or - well. and liam tells her it's fine, and it doesn't change anything because why should it? and then zayn is pressing her mouth up, under liam's chin, across her jaw, back to her lips, and murmuring, "open up, yeah?" so liam does, opens her mouth and lets zayn suck at her tongue and sink her teeth into her lip, sighs as she works her hands over zayn's back and under her shirt.

liam loses track of time, loses track of basically everything but how warm zayn's mouth is on her neck and how her fingers dig into liam's shoulders, just shy of painful - and how zayn is mostly quiet, breathy, full of small, surprised gasps when liam touches her, has her hips quaking and her back arching. somewhere in her mind she knows she should have moved this to her bed in her room; niall could walk in at any minute,  _louis_  could walk in any minute, but if zayn doesn't care, then liam doesn't care. she coaxes zayn's mouth open again, kisses the sigh from her mouth when she comes, and rests her forehead against zayn's. 

zayn asks liam to show her what she likes, so liam does, and she whispers zayn's name into her collar bone as she comes, and zayn is still breathing heavily, looking dishevelled and beautiful, her eyeliner smeared around her eyelids, and liam thinks she's probably wearing half of zayn's lipstick and that thought spreads warmth through her chest and all down to her knees. "all right?" liam asks.

"more 'an." and it's perfect timing because liam is just zipping up zayn's flies when niall announces his presence by singing michael bublé really loudly, and liam can hear harry and louis laughing about something behind him.

resting her head in zayn's lap, liam waves when the three of them walk in, and she knows zayn can probably see louis' really smug, obnoxious knowing smirk, but she doesn't acknowledge it, just says (very smoothly, okay) "excited for barcelona yet?"

louis waggles his eyebrows in a way that says he expects to hear how liam finally managed to work things out and he's not gonna drop it, but he won't bring it up just yet. and zayn seems to know this too from the way she snorts beside liam, and liam traces the swallow tattoo on her hand.

louis says, "i've been waiting for this holiday since i was born! since i was just a wee zygote!" harry rolls his eyes, and niall rolls his eyes, and liam - says, "um."

zayn says, "the last time we talked, none of you even knew comedic was a word. when did you learn about zygotes?"

and liam, she knows zayn is just messing around, but she doesn't know if - but it's fine, because louis laughs, dropping his bag on the floor. "i talked to one of me mates who did biology a-levels," he admits. "not about - he just brought it up when - fuck if i know. but look! words! i know them!"

liam has a feeling zayn's going to be around for a while - because she fits in better with the four of them than anyone else ever has, even danielle - as much as liam had loved her. so maybe liam ought to start thinking in term of the five of them now. because she can tell from the way niall is sat on zayn's lap and zayn is debating with louis about the pros and cons of bowls versus j's and petting harry's curls that she's not just liam's - whatever she is. she's louis' and harry's and niall's friend now too, and liam didn't fully appreciate before how much she'd wanted that. 

louis discovers zayn's vodka and liam nearly fails in persuading him not to drink any - because he's pretty shit at just having a couple, and liam doesn't think any of them will be able to deal with a hungover louis at half-six in the morning and in a car on their way to luton. louis, predictably, whines and fusses and wrestles liam to the ground, tickling her until liam yanks at his hair. and he's not quite as invested in his hair as zayn is but - it's enough to distract him until liam is sitting on top of his chest and patting his cheek consolingly. "next time, young grasshopper!"

grumbling, louis climbs to his feet before shooing zayn off the sofa so he and harry can get to bed. "liam's right - for once -"

"- for always," liam says, and louis pokes her cheek. 

" _anyway_ ," louis says, pointedly, and starts taking his shoes off - which is the sign for everyone else to move away because he tends to never wear socks and his feet smell awful _always_  and harry must really love him to get close enough to suck his dick. only liam apparently says this out loud because niall's doing that thing where he's laughing so hard he's slid down the wall and zayn looks confused and harry looks amused and louis is pretending to be outraged. liam's face heats up and she announces that she's going to bed as well.

liam tells zayn she's welcome to join her if she's not wanting to go home and she has a spare toothbrush (she actually has six spare, unused toothbrushes but that's just details) and zayn just slings an arm around her waist and lets liam lead her into the bedroom.

harry, louis, and niall yell "good night!" simultaneously and she returns it before zayn is pressing her to the door and kissing her, a little sloppily, but liam doesn't really mind. "i -" zayn noses at liam's throat, kisses her hair. "i had a really nice night, so - thanks."

liam is glad and says as much, and later crawls into bed and around zayn, who's already fallen into a deep sleep, her chest rising and falling steadily.

she doesn't feel as tired as she normally does, but liam is comfortable enough that she still manages to drift off easily, zayn a warm weight beside her.

**

liam wakes up in the morning with an ache in her jaw, decides wisdom teeth are rubbish, and then remembers that she has very little to complain about at the moment, and grins to herself.

and liam will learn a lot of things about zayn in the coming months: the meanings behind some of her tattoos, how she sounds when she's riding liam's face, how she actually is a really fantastic singer and she and liam sound great when they sing together, and that sometimes she just needs to be away from everything and everyone and liam will learn how to deal with that.

and zayn and louis will hold competitions to see who can roll up the fastest, and she'll spend a lot of time whispering with harry and sharing jumpers with niall. and she'll fall in love with liam and liam will fall in love with her and it'll be mostly easy - not always, granted. but they're friends as well and that makes a huge difference, she'll come to realise.

and harry will point how obviously zayn and liam were meant to be because their, "names even rhyme! payner and zayner!" and will laugh when zayn heaves a really put-upon sigh while liam rubs at her eyes with the heels of her palms.

and louis will say a few months later that, "aw! lima bean's in love!" and later still that, "maybe we just needed another girl in the group."

and liam will smile and correct him that no, they just needed zayn. and it'll be sappy and she won't know that zayn's overheard her and is smiling in the way liam loves.

but now, she kisses the morning tack out of zayn's mouth and lends her some of her older, smaller clothes to wear and holds her hand on the drive. and her heart feels all swollen and heavy, but in the good way, at how genuinely both upset and happy zayn looks for harry and louis - happy because she's picked up on how long they've been saving up to go on this holiday, and upset because they've managed to wedge their way into her life (and she into theirs) enough in the last few months to miss them.

harry kisses them all, and louis offers hugs all around, with an extra press of lips to liam's forehead. "i'll be back soon, yeah?"

and liam tells him to have fun, tells them to get going before they miss their flight even though the gate's not even been released yet. and zayn buys her a coffee and lets her hang around the chip shop later while working, drawing her own comic - and liam thinks the characters are based off of her and zayn. and she doesn't know what it means but - it's okay.

it's more than okay and liam doesn't know what it is she was so nervous about in the first place.

and even though she's kind of tired of chips, she's not even close to being tired of zayn. and she says that to zayn later, while they're lying in bed, zayn pressed up against liam's side. 

zayn only smiles, and so does liam, and for the moment she's not really worried about the future.

and when zayn paints her a portrait of harley quinn - with a set of water colours one of her co-workers got her as an obligitary christmas gift one year even though liam's shit at art, liam nearly cries hangs it on her wall and can only barely refrain from telling zayn she's a bit more than half in love with her.

zayn seems to get it anyway.

liam can't stop smiling and doesn't even care when louis takes the piss about the sappy, stupid things she's been tweeting about.

(zayn favourites all of them anyway).

**Author's Note:**

> ???????????


End file.
